Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wordful Wednesday

Is that right, wordful? Well there's wordless, surely wordful is its less known, more unpopular antonym. Unless the antonym for wordless does exist and I am just currently butchering the language. It's fine. It's English; most widely-butchered language in the world. People speaks English in so many tongues that sometimes even if you and a foreigner are speaking English to each other, you might still end up with no better understanding of each other.

1. The job is challenging. So many people have said before that the job will be taxing but nothing compares to the real experience. I had a chance to talk with a senior from IPGKSM today, Muaz, and he's talking about maybe applying for transfer. That's when I realized that he doesn't crave the responsibilities so decidedly amounted to him. He hates it just like the rest of us, he's just too decent to be rebellious in just his third year.

1.1 I am handling level 1 and level 2 English classes and I have to admit I kind of having trouble balancing small kids (7 and 8) and older kids (11). It's not easy because different ages require different approaches, techniques to imply. These are the human resources, I can't play fast and loose with them - just do whatever is easiest. Well with three classes to juggle, no less than 30 kids per class, you can bet that's how I roll. I know what you are thinking; I am complaining too much. Government school, what do you expect? But I thought we have a surplus of teachers coming out of everywhere. Right, I forgot. What to pay them with? It's sad, really, when education is the first thing they thought could use less funding. I have no papers to copy handouts with for my students! I wish I am not currently facing big expenditure in the near future or I'll buy a box of papers and it will be raining handouts for my students. Okay enough shop talk.

1.2 I just hope the situation will improve soon. Or I'll improve it by getting the hell outta there. Although it's never easy to get transferred. But apparently applying is.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Sudden Revelation

Revelation by nature has a sudden connotation, so I guess by "Sudden Revelation" I meant it is all the more sudden than what revelation could have meant. I'm rambling.

A friend was catching up with me. We tell each other about all the goings on in our lives. I've known this friend for over six years and I thought at this point, very little is left of what we don't know about each other. We talk every other week or every other month, hence my assumption.

A topic came up and out of the deepest, darkest of the blue, the friend told me they were adopted. I had to pick up my jaw off the ground by the time they finished telling me the story. The friend thought I knew this, they were surprised that I didn't. Then the friend proceeded to give me hints about their parents which I should've picked up ages ago. I've never felt more like an idiot than I was at the time.

So I started to ponder about the kids in my class whose adoption certificates I just received a few days ago. I've had so many scenarios in my head, mostly negative ones about their real parents and what had happened that caused the adoption. I was sceptical and a judgmental prick in my head. How could I judge those kids like that, thinking what was wrong with their parents that they had to be let go to live with other people, when one of my closest friends were adopted as well? More importantly, how could a teacher think like that? Teachers are supposed to be impartial, a nonpartisan body in the classroom to ensure every child receive the same, equally fair treatment. Instead, I was a judgmental prick.

They didn't choose their parents. It's not their fault. I have got to stop thinking about where they came from but think more about where they could go from here. That is probably something I can help them with.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

What's up?

Let's see. I actually wrote something to be posted here earlier this year, but I decided not to post it due to my inability to finish writing the post and my laziness which kept preventing me from finishing the post. Oh well.

So here we are. Probably the only blog post for the year. So let me keep you up to date, whoever you may be.

1. I was unemployed for most of the year. At home all of the time, except when I went to Malacca (that's what the other post was about) and I went to KL. Pretty uneventful. Most of the time was just stressing out about when I will be employed.

2. Wrote an unfinished (seems to be a running theme) story about coffee. Made me research some about coffee. There are a lot of things that I don't know about coffee.

3. Went to Putrajaya for an interview with Suruhanjaya Perkhidmatan Pendidikan in April. Don't know if I nailed the interview but I got the job! Insert smiley face here.

4.  Got the job offer. I started in August. Feels like forever ago now that we're in December. Guess what, it's all the way in Johor! I was so nervous in the first month I never go anywhere without turning on Waze. Now a few months in, I can navigate a bit but only close by. I don't know how long it will be until I don't need Waze anymore. Probably a while.

5. It's almost like I'm learning the job again, because I've been unemployed for so long. All the knowledge I had during my practicums are kind of hazy and dream-like. I'm still learning.

Oh, that's not a lot. I thought reviewing my year will take up more than 5 bullet points. Guess I was wrong.

Here's hoping I'll have something more interesting for my year-reviewing post next year.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Director's List

I have never been on the list. I have worked towards being on the list for several years. I have not the slightest thought that this year might be it.

Alhamdulillah. Good things come to those who wait. And worked. And prayed. And believe.

Director's List for exam November 2014.
Let's work for exam May 2015 now, shall we?

Thursday, December 25, 2014

I can't even

1. I cannot fathom this. There is no other way of looking at it, other than the fact that you are not here, fervently looking for ways to better help your suffering compatriots (that's right, at this moment the people are not your 'loyal subjects', they are the citizens of the nation and they deserved to be recognized as such) or running around furiously demanding more volunteers to help alongside him. There is only one way to look at it, and it's not looking good.

2. For it is really, good fortune and blessings from Allah S.W.T. that you and your family are excluded from facing such terrible fates. Alhamdulillah. And i wholeheartedly believe that you probably thought what you did was the best decision at the time. So, in one very positive and perhaps a little naive way to look at it, maybe this isn't as big a whoop as the social media made it seemed.

3. HOWEVER, i must state it here that if whatever it is that is keeping you from being here, in the heart of the calamity, was a prior commitment made to another person with the same responsibilities as you to his own subjects, then perhaps he'll understand if you needed to take a rain check. Because rain is literally pouring cats and dogs. He'll do the same if the situation is reversed. Why aren't you?

4. If this needed to be spelled out: you need to be here. Sleeves up to your elbows, life jacket-clad and handing out supplies. Because there are people in Kuala Krai who boiled mud water to have some something to drink. And they're not doing it because they are trying to be Bear Grylls.

Here's looking at you, mister.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

the fairly tough Butter Cheesecake

So my mother's birthday was last Tuesday. We in the family doesn't usually make a big deal out of birthdays but we do like wishing the birthday boy/girl happy birthday, have a good birthday, stuff like that.

So my sister in KL called, so very early in the morning and wished my mom "Happy bithday!" and asked me to bake Ma a birthday cake. See, now, i haven't baked for months. I can feel that i'm a little rusty. But in the spirit of Ma's birthday, i went on the internet, found a butter-cheese cake recipe and thought to myself: "I can swing that."

Boy was i wrong.

I started to lay out the utensils and ingredients needed, i measured everything as intructed by the recipe, and then started the mixing process. Halfway through mixing, i started to get the feeling that my measurement was off somewhere, but i continued mixing.

The recipe called for a fully-whipped egg whites to be added to the mixture. For my entire baking career, i have never made whipped egg whites. Because:

a) I don't know how to separate the egg white from the yolk
b) I have avoided recipes that needed egg whites.

Anyway. The recipe wanted them. So i asked Ma to do it. She did it so flawlessly i felt like i could do it too! But of course i didn't.

I used a mixer to mix the other ingredients before i whip the egg whites. So naturally, i just grabbed another mixing bowl, and, without cleaning the mixing utensil first from the previous mixture, i straight away started whipping the egg whites.

Which was an exercise in futility. Nothing happened. The egg whites still was a flat, airless liquid.

Then Ma came into the kitchen, i told her about my distress, and she scolded me for about 15 minutes. I was NOT SUPPOSED TO use the same utensils to whip egg whites WITHOUT CLEANING THEM.

There. Our lesson for today kids; if your egg whites are flat, your cake will be too.

And no, no recipe will be attached. I hate the fact that i was not successful in baking this cake. Perhaps someday when i've conquered this quest.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

First love

My room-mate and i just had a brief talk. A talk after which i felt a considerable amount of relief. Like i had a huge anchor around my neck weighing me down to an abyss. Now only half of a huge anchor dragging me into an abyss.

There's a girl and a boy who loved each other. They thought the world of each other and they were happy as can be. Problem is, love is not a permanent being; you can't give love and be sure to never change your affection toward the other person. Love changes. Love varies. Love is kind of like a woman changing clothes. There's no telling with love.

One day, the boy had a change of heart. He found himself no longer felt the attachment he so boldly told the world and the girl four years ago. However, the girl still felt the same. Her affection remains the same. So the boy kept his change of heart to himself. But he was hurting himself and the girl. It was wrong and it was obvious that the boy should say something.

Here's where i come in. I was friend with both of them. But i was a tad closer to the boy than with the girl (let me clear this up: me and the boy are completely platonic so no vicious rumour about me being the third person please) so i told the boy:

Please do not string her along. If you have no more feelings for her, then let her go. Let her find someone better.

I was completely within reason, wasn't i?
Apparently this wasn't clear for everyone.

Not long after, they broke up. And the girl stopped speaking to me. And if what i said to the boy made her stop speaking to me, i get that perhaps i sounded like i was encouraging the boy to dump the girl. But my intention was good. Don't i get points for that?

And also, i was wondering: doesn't she gets that i was on HER SIDE?

Then my room-mate said:
"Perhaps he was her first love. So she couldn't rationalise. She can only see and that you, with your words, broke her and him up."

Wow, intense.
So, perhaps, me and the girl won't be friends again. Forever. 

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