Saturday, October 25, 2014

Another lip-biting news

I mean, c'mon. Give it a rest, pest. You wanna know why we don't seem to like you people? If you don't, would ya? Cause i'm dying to tell.

Let me start over.

I'm a third-year trainee teacher at an institution so messed up, i can't even. Okay, get it? So finals is approaching. Classes are over and it's Deepavali weekend so most of us are back home. Except for our East Malaysia friends of course. They always stay because, well, no point going back and forth when holiday is in a month, right?

So anyway. This is that time of the year we'd like to call 'study week'. It's a few weeks before finals begin and we'd have this time to recuperate, get together with classmates, have discussions, study group or study solo, whatever, you know. Just, our own free time. No one cares what we do as long as we show up for our papers. Which is, really, the only thing that matters.

Now came along our new papa, big guy on campus. I don't think any other lecturer would've suggested anything to him. No. This big idea must've come from him. Now the new rule wants us, KIDS we are, to be on campus ground and in CLASSES or LIBRARY during this whole study week period. When classes are already over. (Let me answer that question you didn't ask; yes, he wants us to spend 6 mind-numbingly boring hours in class just for the sake of being in class.)

My (insert curse here) papers are, give or take, FOUR WEEKS away!

So now, they are threatening absentees with a RM50 fine. Ah, what a life. I feel like i should write a novel about this, or something.

At the time this was written, i don't know if i'm following the rules or rebelling. I've always thought i'm kind of a rebellious person you know?

Friday, October 24, 2014


I need to rant and f it, i don't care anymore. I need an outlet and if you don't wanna read this, feel free to leave a message with someone who gives a furry rat's behind. Thanks.

Where do i begin? I can't even (Insert muffled rage here). First of all, hats off to the wonderful people who's doing some wonderful job up there. You are really something. Second, . Actually, i don't have a second one. I am mad, ostentatiously so, which makes me mad at every outcome which has been produced as a result from the handiwork of the aforementioned people. This is starting to sound like gibberish, and it is purposefully done that way so that i wouldn't have to explain this should this come blowing up in my face at a later date. Plausible deniablity.
All that crap about we should be happy for other people's fortune is just that; crap. Especially when we were dreaming for the exact same fortune only to be snatched away by someone who probably doesn't even realised how easy they have it. I sound petty right now. Crap. I don't f-ing care anymore! You can make me however you like it to be.

I'm not happy. It's killing me inside. I can't wait to be outta that place one year from now. I've made some great friends, but some really crappy memories too. And running is what i do best. Not because i'm a coward. No. I refuse to be called that. It's because i can't wait to be on my own, do my own thing.

The saddest part about that is, nobody, f-ing, cares.

Friday, May 23, 2014

the business of trying to have a business

1. "Awak exam ke. Sy memang serius dgn biz tudung online tu. Harap2 jadi kali ni..amin ya Allah."

2. text received at 10.59am. i was not in the exam hall. my paper today was at 2.00pm. and at the time, i was studying my butt off because i have a feeling the paper is not gonna be 'easy breezy cover girl' type of paper -____-

3. my sister has been trying for some time to be a businesswoman. she had a store once. but it didn't worked out. this time, she wants to try selling tudung (scarf/hijab, call it whatever you want as long as it covers your aurat) online. like how one of my friend does it. the other day, when we talked about this, i was fired up to help her about this. i'm gonna have the next month free so i am all hers to work on all the intricacies of selling something on the internet. not that imma an expert but at least i know a few stuff. i can show her how to do some stuff.

4. i put this stuff on the back of my mind cause you know, finals. had to force myself to focus. and then she sent me that text this morning. honestly, i really hope this can take off. it's not easy to make it but once you do, you gotta make sure you are ready to commit.

5. however, realistically, the chance to take off is pretty slim. there are A LOT of businesses online out there and tudung? it's neither new nor news. there are many of 'em out there and with a lot more variety of colours or designs or materials, etc., etc.

6. and so, forgotten all about this tudung matter, me and a few friends went out to Jabi tonight to celebrate our 'temporary independence' after our last paper today by eating some well known, much sought-after, sate Jabi! hehe.. that's a lot of fuss for just some sate. anyway...
the friend i mentioned before, the one with the booming tudung business? she was there too. she was talking with another friend, asking for pointers about going to Australia. i was a little surprised.
then i asked another friend : "who is **** going to Australia with? her whole family?"
the friend replied : "nope. just her and her brother plus her friend with her friend's brother."
and then i was REALLY surprised.

7. putting aside my jealousy for her freedom of going anywhere she want with just one muhrim needed and also the fact that she's going to visit AUSTRALIA, i was brought to thinking:
she must be using her own money. she'll just be going with her younger brother.
the money from her business is that much???
now, at this moment, i am truly, truly impressed.

8. we've always heard that hadith which stated that 9/10 of income comes from doing business, selling something. now, i have seen it from the beginning.

9. i know how she started off. and now look where she is.

10. may Allah bless my sister's path like He did for that friend of mine.


Tuesday, May 20, 2014


1. borrowing my..err.. someone i know's style of writing. maybe when i am done talking about the topic on this number, i'll move on to the next.

2. i am currently facing finals. but as per usual, i find this time as the most amazingly inspiring, incomparably wonderful time to write something on the blog that i myself at most times thinking "why the why i still hold on to that blog? it is so not cool anymore."
but i like writing. and i like writing long, tedious paragraphs that bores the people who read them. except if those people happen to like them. which is rare. which is if happened, it doesn't mean anything.

3.  oh Arsenal won the FA Cup! has been a while that i don't yap about Arsenal. it's a cool win too. they came back after Hull City got a 2-nil lead and Aaron Ramsey (or, as Malaysia fans call him; Harun Ramzi) shot the winning goal at 109min. i saw the video of the highlights of the game and yes i do wanna watch it again. but i have a study to get to. not a study as in a small room dimly lit by a fireplace located too far from the Brobdingnagian study table which makes any study of any kind is impossible, a study as in a study session consists of a mountain of books. a plethora of study. (did i use 'plethora' right?)

4. i got a car from Ayah. well not his, he bought a new one. for now, he is paying for it (together with a few other figures in the family). but when i get off school, got posted anywhere, he'll be like "You're up, kid."
i like cars, i have to say. before i got the D-type licence (for Malaysians, this is the type of licence you need to be able to drive a car on the road and not get stopped by the police and get a summon for driving without a licence), i used to think driving is scary. now, after i got the licence, almost 2 years ago, and been driving around in my car for over a month, i must say, it is...less scary. the scary is still there, but i tied it up, rolled it in a blanket and put it in the trunk. it's still still there, but i can handle it.
scary doesn't exist when i'm riding a motorcycle though. perhaps blown away from the backseat when i was 8 years old. or 9. yes, ladies and gentlemen, those are the ages i started riding a bike. just a kapcai, not a Kawasaki Ninja or anything. relax. although, now that i mentioned it, someday i would like to ride a big bike like the Kawasaki Ninja. get a leather jacket, boots and everything. and just ride to KL. and then be very afraid cause i can't find the way to get to my brother's place in Selayang. (navigating is NOT my strongest suit. i use a GPS when i'm driving)

5. feeling a hollow in my heart for missing my nieces. well sure, i'm so far away now. i can't handle kids very well especially when they're acting up. probably should've thought about that before i choose to be a primary school teacher. next year will be my final year in school. not too far away now.

6. friends were talking about marriage just now. that's not surprising. it's not weird to marry young these days. leen asked me: when are you getting married?
i said: i currently have zero candidate lining up for a spot in my heart (not those EXACT words, c'mon. i simply said takde calonn -____-)
truth is, i am so not looking forward to being tied down. sure, the wedding'll probably be cute, but after that? i can't handle it yet, i think. i am so swamped with schoolwork. and also, i am the very lazy specimen of a woman. i believe jodoh comes when one is ready. meanwhile, i CANNOT imagine why people want to get married at young ages. oh wait i can imagine why *insert grins here*

7. i'll come back later if i have some more to say.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Mendung dan Sayu

Kesedihan yang tidak tertanggung ini,
Tidak kufahami mengapa,
Apa yang terlalu mengganggu jiwa?
Yang bernafas pasti berhenti,
Yang ada pasti pergi,
Yang hidup mesti merasai mati!
Lalu kenapa menangisi?
Kerana aku bukan terbuat daripada besi,
Perasaan runtun, jiwa lara,
Mesti kembali, harus mengingati Ilahi,
Kerana Dia menarik, Dia memberi,
Di mana-mana pun, semadi.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Oat Rye Bread

woke up this morning, after Subuh, suddenly felt an urge to immediately bake a bread. like, right now. so swiftly took the bread recipe book (thank you Seashore Publishing (M) Sdn Bhd) and start looking for the easiest recipe (since i've never baked a bread before). here it is;

200g bread flour
70g light rye flour
50g oat
4g yeast
3g salt
30g honey
110g water
30g corn oil
50g finely chopped walnut


1. Mix ingredients into a dough using BFP or ADD method.
2. Mould 240g of dough into log shape and spray water before dipping the dough into topping.
3. Score a few lines across the bread and place onto a greased baking tray.
4. Place in the proofer till double in size.
5. Make 2 loaves.
6. Bake till golden brown with temperature 200 degree celcius for approximately 25 minutes.

(recipe from: Magic Bread House by Elisabeth Siahaja)

but honestly, we (me and my sis. apparently bread-baking is wayy harder than cake-baking so she was giving me pointers. by making almost all of the bread. hehe) didn't follow the recipe that closely. for example, we had a packet of 11g yeast so we can't really use 200g flour for 11 g yeast. so we doubled the portion.
we also don't have light rye flour, whatever that is, so we replaced them with bread flour.
we also don't have the finely chopped walnut, or walnut. so we didn't put any.

my sister's method was a bit different than the method in the recipe. we let the bread (dough) rests for two times. first as a whole and then second as small round-shaped blob in the baking tray waiting to be baked in the oven.

here it is:

ehh...maybe not that delicious looking, but it is really worth the effort. =D

Monday, September 16, 2013

the enjoyment of being alone and the blissful comfort of company

last weekend, my room-mate decided to up-and-leave with less than 12-hour notice. it's not that we have some kind of agreement that we would not leave unless we give each other 12-hour notice but things have run that way that i grew comfortable with the system. leave (i.e. going home) is always an exciting anticipation so we would tell each other of any plans of leaving at least a few days before Thursday (Terengganu, Kelantan & Kedah's weekend is Friday & Saturday). so i was a little bit shocked that Thursday evening when she told me she was leaving for Kuala Lumpur on Thursday night. and it's going to be a public holiday (Hari Malaysia) on Monday (today) so she's skipping Sunday's class and coming back here on Monday.

i don't hate her for leaving. she told me she was missing home and i went home last weekend so this weekend it's her turn to be at home and with family. but her leaving gives me four straight days without a room-mate. i like having the room for myself, obviously. sometimes you'd prefer it if company would just leave you alone. but i like my room-mate. there are hardly times when i feel like keeping my distance from her. she's quiet, clean, not a keeping-her-stuff-in-order person per se but it's okay because i'm worse and she's a pretty good listener. chatty at times but so am i, so give-and-take exists in our co-habitual relationship.

okay i hate her leaving a little bit. everyone else left during the weekend. and suddenly, my room-mate too.

but i had a productive weekend. swept my room, straightening out stuff, fold my clothes, wash new batch, cooked rice (had a stomachache a little but it's bearable) and did some progress on my assignments. all in all, not talking to anyone all weekend (except two times when my mother called and Athirah came to my room for a little while and text messages from various people) is a good thing. i got a lot of things done. and i can sing whenever i want (except i don't feel like singing when my room-mate's not around. ironic).

Saturday loomed to an end and Sunday came. Sunday brought school (i mean class) and Adam. after spending the day in class with non-existent Sir Yahya and infuriating EDU class, i went to my room. but afterwards, Adam called and asked me to go out with him and Afiq by Afiq's car. what he conveniently dropped out of the conversation was that Afiq's girlfriend would be with us. so there we were, four people in Afiq's car and i didn't say a word to Afiq's girlfriend (she doesn't go here so that was my first time meeting her). i felt like a snobbish but in my defense, it took me a year to grow comfortable talking to all 17 of my classmates (with names i don't exactly got it all correct). don't expect me to talk to you the first time we met - unless you started it. don't exactly like all kinds but some are a blissful comfort. like Adam. he's like a shot of peace. curing me from the deprivation of friends i had all weekend.

there you have it. i like and dislike being alone and being with company. but i like it. i think that makes me a balance person. i'll take my leave now.            
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