Sunday, May 10, 2015

Director's List

I have never been on the list. I have worked towards being on the list for several years. I have not the slightest thought that this year might be it.

Alhamdulillah. Good things come to those who wait. And worked. And prayed. And believe.

Director's List for exam November 2014.
Let's work for exam May 2015 now, shall we?

Thursday, December 25, 2014

I can't even

1. I cannot fathom this. There is no other way of looking at it, other than the fact that you are not here, fervently looking for ways to better help your suffering compatriots (that's right, at this moment the people are not your 'loyal subjects', they are the citizens of the nation and they deserved to be recognized as such) or running around furiously demanding more volunteers to help alongside him. There is only one way to look at it, and it's not looking good.

2. For it is really, good fortune and blessings from Allah S.W.T. that you and your family are excluded from facing such terrible fates. Alhamdulillah. And i wholeheartedly believe that you probably thought what you did was the best decision at the time. So, in one very positive and perhaps a little naive way to look at it, maybe this isn't as big a whoop as the social media made it seemed.

3. HOWEVER, i must state it here that if whatever it is that is keeping you from being here, in the heart of the calamity, was a prior commitment made to another person with the same responsibilities as you to his own subjects, then perhaps he'll understand if you needed to take a rain check. Because rain is literally pouring cats and dogs. He'll do the same if the situation is reversed. Why aren't you?

4. If this needed to be spelled out: you need to be here. Sleeves up to your elbows, life jacket-clad and handing out supplies. Because there are people in Kuala Krai who boiled mud water to have some something to drink. And they're not doing it because they are trying to be Bear Grylls.

Here's looking at you, mister.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

the fairly tough Butter Cheesecake

So my mother's birthday was last Tuesday. We in the family doesn't usually make a big deal out of birthdays but we do like wishing the birthday boy/girl happy birthday, have a good birthday, stuff like that.

So my sister in KL called, so very early in the morning and wished my mom "Happy bithday!" and asked me to bake Ma a birthday cake. See, now, i haven't baked for months. I can feel that i'm a little rusty. But in the spirit of Ma's birthday, i went on the internet, found a butter-cheese cake recipe and thought to myself: "I can swing that."

Boy was i wrong.

I started to lay out the utensils and ingredients needed, i measured everything as intructed by the recipe, and then started the mixing process. Halfway through mixing, i started to get the feeling that my measurement was off somewhere, but i continued mixing.

The recipe called for a fully-whipped egg whites to be added to the mixture. For my entire baking career, i have never made whipped egg whites. Because:

a) I don't know how to separate the egg white from the yolk
b) I have avoided recipes that needed egg whites.

Anyway. The recipe wanted them. So i asked Ma to do it. She did it so flawlessly i felt like i could do it too! But of course i didn't.

I used a mixer to mix the other ingredients before i whip the egg whites. So naturally, i just grabbed another mixing bowl, and, without cleaning the mixing utensil first from the previous mixture, i straight away started whipping the egg whites.

Which was an exercise in futility. Nothing happened. The egg whites still was a flat, airless liquid.

Then Ma came into the kitchen, i told her about my distress, and she scolded me for about 15 minutes. I was NOT SUPPOSED TO use the same utensils to whip egg whites WITHOUT CLEANING THEM.

There. Our lesson for today kids; if your egg whites are flat, your cake will be too.

And no, no recipe will be attached. I hate the fact that i was not successful in baking this cake. Perhaps someday when i've conquered this quest.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

First love

My room-mate and i just had a brief talk. A talk after which i felt a considerable amount of relief. Like i had a huge anchor around my neck weighing me down to an abyss. Now only half of a huge anchor dragging me into an abyss.

There's a girl and a boy who loved each other. They thought the world of each other and they were happy as can be. Problem is, love is not a permanent being; you can't give love and be sure to never change your affection toward the other person. Love changes. Love varies. Love is kind of like a woman changing clothes. There's no telling with love.

One day, the boy had a change of heart. He found himself no longer felt the attachment he so boldly told the world and the girl four years ago. However, the girl still felt the same. Her affection remains the same. So the boy kept his change of heart to himself. But he was hurting himself and the girl. It was wrong and it was obvious that the boy should say something.

Here's where i come in. I was friend with both of them. But i was a tad closer to the boy than with the girl (let me clear this up: me and the boy are completely platonic so no vicious rumour about me being the third person please) so i told the boy:

Please do not string her along. If you have no more feelings for her, then let her go. Let her find someone better.

I was completely within reason, wasn't i?
Apparently this wasn't clear for everyone.

Not long after, they broke up. And the girl stopped speaking to me. And if what i said to the boy made her stop speaking to me, i get that perhaps i sounded like i was encouraging the boy to dump the girl. But my intention was good. Don't i get points for that?

And also, i was wondering: doesn't she gets that i was on HER SIDE?

Then my room-mate said:
"Perhaps he was her first love. So she couldn't rationalise. She can only see and that you, with your words, broke her and him up."

Wow, intense.
So, perhaps, me and the girl won't be friends again. Forever. 

Saturday, November 8, 2014

The cold is here

No, not the cold as in aa....choo! No, not that one. It's the one that blanketed the Besut sky with a grey-ish complexion all day long and blows brisk breath of air that seeps into your bones. There, have i wowed you with my ability to be descriptive? Hew hew.

1. I have been feeling a little bit lonely these past few days. Maybe it's because i am currently one room-mate short, maybe because i am longing to be in the company of my family or maybe because of hormones! I love it when as a woman, i always have that option.

2. It's true. I recently read (not that i don't know about this before, it's just the more recent the reading, the clearer i remember it) that a woman's moods or feelings are highly affected by the type of hormones running amok in her body. This is why when it is 'the time of the month', ladies are prone to be more sensitive and easily irritated than usual. The hormones main function is to help the body prepare for pregnancy, but the aforementioned conditions are the side effects. K, why am i writing all this?

3. I was using my friends' twitter accounts to tweet stuff. Wildly random stuff like:

"It's time for some quality movies to appear in the Malay movie scene."


"Kenapa kedai tudung dekat Kuala Besut tu tak bukak? Asal lalu je tutup."

And both tweets got a reply. I'll be honest, if i was tweeting random crap like that using my twitter account, it's unlikely anyone will reply. But somehow, my friends got some interesting feedbacks from MY tweets.

Am i scaring people away?

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Another lip-biting news

I mean, c'mon. Give it a rest, pest. You wanna know why we don't seem to like you people? If you don't, would ya? Cause i'm dying to tell.

Let me start over.

I'm a third-year trainee teacher at an institution so messed up, i can't even. Okay, get it? So finals is approaching. Classes are over and it's Deepavali weekend so most of us are back home. Except for our East Malaysia friends of course. They always stay because, well, no point going back and forth when holiday is in a month, right?

So anyway. This is that time of the year we'd like to call 'study week'. It's a few weeks before finals begin and we'd have this time to recuperate, get together with classmates, have discussions, study group or study solo, whatever, you know. Just, our own free time. No one cares what we do as long as we show up for our papers. Which is, really, the only thing that matters.

Now came along our new papa, big guy on campus. I don't think any other lecturer would've suggested anything to him. No. This big idea must've come from him. Now the new rule wants us, KIDS we are, to be on campus ground and in CLASSES or LIBRARY during this whole study week period. When classes are already over. (Let me answer that question you didn't ask; yes, he wants us to spend 6 mind-numbingly boring hours in class just for the sake of being in class.)

My (insert curse here) papers are, give or take, FOUR WEEKS away!

So now, they are threatening absentees with a RM50 fine. Ah, what a life. I feel like i should write a novel about this, or something.

At the time this was written, i don't know if i'm following the rules or rebelling. I've always thought i'm kind of a rebellious person you know?

Friday, October 24, 2014


I need to rant and f it, i don't care anymore. I need an outlet and if you don't wanna read this, feel free to leave a message with someone who gives a furry rat's behind. Thanks.

Where do i begin? I can't even (Insert muffled rage here). First of all, hats off to the wonderful people who's doing some wonderful job up there. You are really something. Second, . Actually, i don't have a second one. I am mad, ostentatiously so, which makes me mad at every outcome which has been produced as a result from the handiwork of the aforementioned people. This is starting to sound like gibberish, and it is purposefully done that way so that i wouldn't have to explain this should this come blowing up in my face at a later date. Plausible deniablity.
All that crap about we should be happy for other people's fortune is just that; crap. Especially when we were dreaming for the exact same fortune only to be snatched away by someone who probably doesn't even realised how easy they have it. I sound petty right now. Crap. I don't f-ing care anymore! You can make me however you like it to be.

I'm not happy. It's killing me inside. I can't wait to be outta that place one year from now. I've made some great friends, but some really crappy memories too. And running is what i do best. Not because i'm a coward. No. I refuse to be called that. It's because i can't wait to be on my own, do my own thing.

The saddest part about that is, nobody, f-ing, cares.
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