Tuesday, August 7, 2012

if, only if. who knows right.

if today was your last day. tomorrow was too late. could you say goodbye to yesterday?

why, already said goodbye, i suppose. yesterday's gone. wrongs to right, probably a few. probably more than i care to remember. but if today really is my last day, i'd like to say i'm sorry for everything. if i haven't been the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, the best anything - forgive me. i'm only mere mortal trying to fit in. i guess that's me anyway, if it's not the case for everyone.

would you live each moment like your last?

i dunno. i guess in everything that we do, we prepare our ibadah like every moment is our last but we prepare our jobs/works/tasks like we're gonna live for a thousand more years. this is easier said than done, i know. but it's better said than stuck in the throat - begging to come out but was never given the chance because of fear for criticism. critics are everywhere. tak mati dek keji, tak hidup dek puji, someone said that.

would you call old friends you'd never see?

why yes there are a few old friends i'd like to call, just because i never see them anymore. if they read this, i hope they know that i do miss them. i don't wanna name them - they'd know it in their hearts. it's amazing how time flies and the people you once called your closest friends are just not anymore. time brought you together once and time separates because that's how time works. the memories are all we've got left. so yes, had i knew, i'd call 'em.

would you forgive your enemies?

i believe we should forgive people who wronged us on a daily basis. that's the right thing to do. hard, but right. but i always have real trouble to forget the wrong things people did to me. i don't confront people, at most times because that would call for some real sincere feelings and i'm not good at that. therefore i keep a lot of the heartache to myself. i talk to some trusted people about my problems but usually just to let got of it a little. not really to problem-solve. which is stupid i know but it's better if people don't know.

would you finally fall in love?

well what is love, really? i thought i've been in love countless of times but one person actually told me that i have never fall in love with anyone because of the limitless number of "falling in love" that i have. since then, i change it to "having a crush".
but you know what, if i never see tomorrow, then i guess you should know that i think you are a really great guy. you, who told me to write to let go some of my frustrations. i don't know if i'm falling in love with you or just having a crush on you, what i do know is - you're a catch. the advice you gave me today were awesome. you sound like the most level-headed guy i've ever met (well, aside from my father and brothers). i bet most people have never seen that part of you, even though they'd probably believe it if i tell it to them. and i probably won't. and i understand if you don't feel the same way. won't be the first time.


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