friendzone refers to the mythical place where a guy or a gal is placed at when the person that the said guy or gal was interested in did not reciprocate the feelings and doing so in a pretty rude way. or not. either way, the other person is not as interested and wished to just stay as friends. hence, the name friendzone.
i think all of us, if we're being really honest, have been friendzoned and friendzoning people in our lives (oh well, maybe not if you're a foreveralone guy). friendzone sucks, but that doesn't mean we've never done it and it is impossible to avoid friendzone because someday the guy/gal you like does not feel the same and someday the guy/gal you consider your best-friend-forever turns out has feelings for you. it's just the way things are.
so, this post NOT about how to get out of the friendzone. for those of you who have arrived here because of my interesting post title, thank you very much. hope to see you again.
i think i have been at both sides. i have the stories and i think it's about time i share it with the world (or, you know, whoever that happens upon this post) because i have to say, when we were friendzoned we'd feel like the guy's a son-of-a-$%^&* or the gal's a #$%^& but if we'd really think about it, we've done the same to other people. like ted (HIMYM) said, "it's a vicious cycle".
How I Was Friendzoned
so there's this guy in my class, we've texted each other, chatting on facebook, posts on walls and whatnots and this was going on for a really long time. i think for about 3-4 months. and i started it so i think it's pretty obvious that i'd want something more than just a friendship (urghh..that sounds cheesy. isn't it cheesy?) and then suddenly, we stopped texting. okay not so suddenly but gradually until one day i realize, we never text random worthless piece-of-crap to each other anymore. and when my fb chat does show his message, it's for asking for class notes or homework because he's sometimes too much of a lazy bum to go to class. that's when i realized, "i was on the hook". the fb chat message was the best thing that could've happen to me. it got me off his hook. (or also maybe because i had my attention on someone else at the time. wait, was i friendzoned by the guy or was i the one who did the friendzoning? *tsk*. now i sound like a #$%^&)
anyway, if you ask me, the guy friendzoned me because he led me on for a few months and i gave hints. i gave him A LOT of hints.
How I, Friendzoned Someone
ok, i'll try not to sound like a stuck-up #$%^& here. because being friendzoned sucks, i get it. it's hard to accept the fact that the one that you like, adore, interested in and pretty much would give anything to be with is not AS INTERESTED to be with you. i get that. and i'm not even pretty enough to turn away gentlemen at my doors so i know how being rejected feels like.
but in this story, i subtly rejected him.
so he's also a classmate and he's been interested in me for a few years (wow, i'm a #$%^&) but i did not and frankly, cannot reciprocate his feelings. and one fine year, he was finally okay to settle as friends with me (as i'm writing this, i can't believe how stupid i was being. of course he wasn't fine! i've been in his shoes with other guys before - i should've known exactly how that feels).
when we were friends, he never mention anything about being together or anything like that but when we were supposed to separate (because i'm headed one way and he was heading another) he told me he loved me - always have, all those years. and on my following birthday, he gave me a present (something that you can wear). when he asked me later if i ever wear it, i said no because i don't wanna ruin it. but he knows that me never wearing his present means i don't wanna be with him.
it was heartbreaking for everyone. our friendship ended. we swapped messages once in a while but we are not really friends anymore.
so i don't really have the advice for the friendzoned and the friendzoning people out there about how to handle things when you were friendzoned and when you can't help but to friendzone people. but speaking from experience, i guess;
for the friendzoned:
don't take it so hard, man. yes, it sucks. it's worst feeling in the world. (okay, first world. maybe not for the third world) but that doesn't mean the world has ended. it feels like it but it's not. sooner or later you'll find someone else. someone that will appreciate the gestures that you would or probably have done for the friendzoning what's-the-name who doesn't appreciate you. if anything, it's he/she who's at loss.
if you're a Muslim, a word of advice, man up and say it straight to her when you are sure of your feelings (and that too, of course, after istikharah and everything). better yet, go and see OR call her parents and see if you can get their blessing to have their daughter's hands in marriage. go for it!! i mean, what else is dating for? Malay's culture, however don't look too keen about women who fess up and ask a man to marry her but hey, it's 2012. maybe it's time someone do it. (although i am hoping i don't have to do it)
for the friendzoning:
it's like robin (HIMYM) said: "our girl parts are like a spiderweb. sometimes you're going to catch stuff you don't want."
but that doesn't make it okay. if you cannot reciprocate someone's feelings towards you, let him/her down gently. people are fragile. and yes, when you break someone's heart, someone else will come around and break your heart. be sure of that. letting people down doesn't necessarily mean you're going to smash their hearts to pieces - use soothing words and motivational crap but NEVER, EVER say:
"We can still be friends."
it just hurts. it just hurts people.
and i don't write this post because i was recently friendzoned. i am procrastinating from studying for finals. tata!