the biggest war you could have within yourself (and it is the biggest war of all)

i used to think that the war with our nafsu is uncontrollable. especially for me, that would be the eating (T.T) and craziness of the gadgets of which i have had my eyes on for a while. among all other much controllable desires.

but it is indeed 'the other one'. 'the other one' i'm talking about is a common cause of today's teenagers' many, mind-blowing problems. having experienced it first-hand this recent weekend, now i knew how easily it would have been to listen to 'the other one' and break all the principles i have hold dearest to my heart for so long and embarrassing my parents in the process.

don't get me wrong. things like that (where nafsu was so close to winning) doesn't happen often. i'm not that kind of girl. but i am growing up and it doesn't feel as safe to be close to the opposite sex as it used to.

i keep (almost) no secret from my parents. so when i went home last weekend with a boy and i told them that...(i can't lie. or keep it hidden for long. one of my many faults.)

(i told Ma when she was watching TV dramas and i was fb-ing in my brother's room)

Ma: Laa... ingat ke budok puang. budok hok Na sokmo tumpang balik tu ke?
me: ha? yg Na tumpang keta dia tu?
Ma: (nodded)
me: dok ah. hok tu duduk ******. hok ni duduk ****.
Ma: emph.

(i told Ayah when he was sending me to board the Mutiara Ekspres)

Ayah: Uh'uh..ada hok nok kene pulas telinga ni.
me: (becoming as small as i can be) hehe. doh Ayah dok tanya Na balik ngan sape..
Ayah: Ayah tanya doh. engkau kata member, member.
me: ada ke? hehe.
Ayah: kelas apa?
me: sama la. bahasa inggeris.
Ayah: hee... cari la ustaz-ustaz ke..
me: ustaz la tu.
Ayah: engkau kata kelas bahasa inggeris?
me: hehe.
(this dialogue has to be cut short for safety reasons. there are prides at stake and faces to protect.)

at the end of our conversation, Ayah reminded me to always remember the boundaries between a man and a woman's relationship. no, no staring. just look once and then turn the other way. which is hard for a champion starer like me. hihi. capital NO TOUCHING. touching an 'ajnabi's hand is like touching the flaming stones of Hell. Ma also told me to always remember them and protect their names before i do anything. now, all of these advices made me feel like i'm such a rotten egg...T.T

it's for my own good. really. that's why i ran away just now. ONE LOOK, right? i can't do that if the 'one' to look at is just at the next table. so running away was a safe option.

moral of the story: i should not sit next to an 'ajnabi' ever again. especially if we already know each other.

Wa la taqrabu al-zina

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