another clueless admirer

and yes, that's me.

i'm sorry if the texts have been meaningless. they weren't for me. they were small parts of life that i have always cherish, probably always will.
but then again, i'm nobody. just a friend (at least i was. until recently). now i don't know if i should call myself a friend. i certainly didn't act like one.
and yes, as you probably have guessed, i've caught feelings. i've caught feelings bad. like always (this is not the first time i've caught feelings - although it is the first with you), i hope there is a happy ending for this story.

but that had never been the case.

i don't know why i act like this and i'm sorry if it has caused you great uncomfortable circumstances. scratch that, i know it has and i am truly sorry.

truth is, why did you have to pull that crap? (probably shouldn't mention it as 'crap'). i don't know what was it but it never leave me. i can't eat, i can't sleep. you are all i think about. God i sound pathetic.

feelings, please leave me alone. i've been through this once and it didn't end pretty well.

i don't wanna go through that again.

i don't know if this craziness worth something or not. i feel powerless. i feel like a crap. (i know, stop with the 'crap' but i just can't help it).

i'm 20 years old this year. does that mean anything? isn't my mind suppose to become super-matured or something? shouldn't i become more adult-like in dealing with this kind of heart-related matters? or 20 doesn't mean anything?

sad really inspired me. he seems like he is sure-er now. he knows what he wants. ("there's nothing sexier than a man in confidence." - emma, glee season 1). he's 21 years old and it's almost like he has turned over an entirely new leaf; at his utmost confidence about what he wants to achieve.

i think that's maturity.

and i think i am the farthest thing from it.

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