Oat Rye Bread

woke up this morning, after Subuh, suddenly felt an urge to immediately bake a bread. like, right now. so swiftly took the bread recipe book (thank you Seashore Publishing (M) Sdn Bhd) and start looking for the easiest recipe (since i've never baked a bread before). here it is;

Ingredients 
200g bread flour
70g light rye flour
50g oat
4g yeast
3g salt
30g honey
110g water
30g corn oil
50g finely chopped walnut

Topping
Oat

Method 
1. Mix ingredients into a dough using BFP or ADD method.
2. Mould 240g of dough into log shape and spray water before dipping the dough into topping.
3. Score a few lines across the bread and place onto a greased baking tray.
4. Place in the proofer till double in size.
5. Make 2 loaves.
6. Bake till golden brown with temperature 200 degree celcius for approximately 25 minutes.

(recipe from: Magic Bread House by Elisabeth Siahaja)

but honestly, we (me and my sis. apparently bread-baking is wayy harder than cake-baking so she was giving me pointers. by making almost all of the bread. hehe) didn't follow the recipe that closely. for example, we had a packet of 11g yeast so we can't really use 200g flour for 11 g yeast. so we doubled the portion.
we also don't have light rye flour, whatever that is, so we replaced them with bread flour.
we also don't have the finely chopped walnut, or walnut. so we didn't put any.

my sister's method was a bit different than the method in the recipe. we let the bread (dough) rests for two times. first as a whole and then second as small round-shaped blob in the baking tray waiting to be baked in the oven.

here it is:

ehh...maybe not that delicious looking, but it is really worth the effort. =D

the enjoyment of being alone and the blissful comfort of company

last weekend, my room-mate decided to up-and-leave with less than 12-hour notice. it's not that we have some kind of agreement that we would not leave unless we give each other 12-hour notice but things have run that way that i grew comfortable with the system. leave (i.e. going home) is always an exciting anticipation so we would tell each other of any plans of leaving at least a few days before Thursday (Terengganu, Kelantan & Kedah's weekend is Friday & Saturday). so i was a little bit shocked that Thursday evening when she told me she was leaving for Kuala Lumpur on Thursday night. and it's going to be a public holiday (Hari Malaysia) on Monday (today) so she's skipping Sunday's class and coming back here on Monday.

i don't hate her for leaving. she told me she was missing home and i went home last weekend so this weekend it's her turn to be at home and with family. but her leaving gives me four straight days without a room-mate. i like having the room for myself, obviously. sometimes you'd prefer it if company would just leave you alone. but i like my room-mate. there are hardly times when i feel like keeping my distance from her. she's quiet, clean, not a keeping-her-stuff-in-order person per se but it's okay because i'm worse and she's a pretty good listener. chatty at times but so am i, so give-and-take exists in our co-habitual relationship.

okay i hate her leaving a little bit. everyone else left during the weekend. and suddenly, my room-mate too.

but i had a productive weekend. swept my room, straightening out stuff, fold my clothes, wash new batch, cooked rice (had a stomachache a little but it's bearable) and did some progress on my assignments. all in all, not talking to anyone all weekend (except two times when my mother called and Athirah came to my room for a little while and text messages from various people) is a good thing. i got a lot of things done. and i can sing whenever i want (except i don't feel like singing when my room-mate's not around. ironic).

Saturday loomed to an end and Sunday came. Sunday brought school (i mean class) and Adam. after spending the day in class with non-existent Sir Yahya and infuriating EDU class, i went to my room. but afterwards, Adam called and asked me to go out with him and Afiq by Afiq's car. what he conveniently dropped out of the conversation was that Afiq's girlfriend would be with us. so there we were, four people in Afiq's car and i didn't say a word to Afiq's girlfriend (she doesn't go here so that was my first time meeting her). i felt like a snobbish but in my defense, it took me a year to grow comfortable talking to all 17 of my classmates (with names i don't exactly got it all correct). don't expect me to talk to you the first time we met - unless you started it.

so...company. don't exactly like all kinds but some are a blissful comfort. like Adam. he's like a shot of peace. curing me from the deprivation of friends i had all weekend.

there you have it. i like and dislike being alone and being with company. but i like it. i think that makes me a balance person. i'll take my leave now.            

How I Met (not) Your Mother, but the Malaysia's Minister of Youth and Sports.

today, out of the blue, Tan Chian Yee came up to me and said:

"Today you guys have an invitation to go break-fasting with KHAIRY JAMALUDDIN."

i was, literally, stunned for a few seconds. i followed KJ's twitter acc. so i actually knew that he touched down at KB's airport not a few hours ago and yes, i also knew that he was coming for a program in Kuala Besut (because there's a PRK around the corner) but never in a million years would i have guessed that Allah has, in His Plans, for me today that i will meet that famous minister. granted, Kuala Besut is 10-15 minutes from my campus, but still. i wouldn't go if there's no reason. and as one of the IPGKSM's JPP members, i was INVITED! (along with tens of other members) he he.

*awfully excited for a humble minister, am i not? this is a regular person, not a Prophet and i am this excited. ponder on that, people =='*

anyway.

we got there, and there's a ceramah going on so i was thinking that KJ probably already got there and was inside the masjid and listening to the ustaz. me and a few of the gals decided to stay outside because it seemed pretty crowded inside. and then suddenly, the people outside the masjid (the guys, mostly) were standing from sitting on their chairs and seem to be crowding someone/something. and then i saw KJ, in the middle of a small procession, heading towards the masjid, a few handshakes here, handshakes there, and then he saw us (me & the gals who chose to stay outside) and then he stopped a bit. then he said:

"Assalamualaikum."

then we all kind of stammered to answer his salam. luckily he just went on his way and his salam were answered slowly, just loud enough for only our ears to catch. i shook my head a little in disbelief.

*repeat with me: he's married. he's married. he's married.* ha ha.

and...that's it. there's the break-fasting, maghrib prayer and then we left.

tadaa. here's a pic of him and Kota Putera's ADUN. i think. courtesy of my senior Kak Farahin. i didn't get to him this close :(

my seniors with KJ. lucky, lucky seniors! 

new students' management week

despite all the news and the rumors that have been circling the world of education lately (well, if you're in this world you'd notice. otherwise, it's not really earth-shattering =='), the ministry or the government decided that we will still face the problem of not having enough teachers in five years time so new students, fresh off their SPM, were taken in to provide a solution for that future problem. today's the registration day!

(i really, highly doubt that there will be a lacking in number of teachers to be posted in five years time. i mean, some of my seniors who'd graduated in Dec '12 only gotten their posting results today. that is, give or take, 6 months of waiting. if there is really a desperate need to fill all these empty gigs as teachers, why the 6-months wait? i hate speculating & speculations.)

anywayyyy.......@_@

i was asked by my boss (by boss i mean in jawatankuasa perwakilan pelajar) to go around campus take pictures of the people in-charge in certain places. people whose sole intention today is to help the newbies get settled in, show them the little boys @ little girls rooms, not harming them with hostile reactions or anything, etc. haha ^^

so i went and here are a few pics. 

i actually have nothing else to write. my heart's not in it and i am tired. still have a few chores to do. 

this post is a shout-out for: f

are you anywhere near ready for it?

Khadeja was coughing and having trouble breathing last night so Kak Lang (her mother) and Ayah (her grandfather) ran her to the emergency room (with me tagging along as a bag-holder). it was 2.30 in the morning and i have never go to the hospital at 2.30 in the morning. this will be quite an experience, i thought to myself. as i was getting ready (putting on tudung, wearing the jacket and everything) i thought to myself, hmm, probably won't need the tablet to fill my time (i regret that less than 30 minutes after the decision was made).

the doctor checked her breathing and decided it sounded like an asthma so she had Khadeja breath through a concentration of liquid which a machine turns into cold, smoky gas (but no smell). Khadeja didn't like it. i know how she felt (been there quite a few times).

anyhow, a bit later the doctor asked me to leave (well, emergency room is not for everybody. just the person having the emergency - except if you're a baby, then the mother have to come in too). so i stood outside the emergency room, with Ayah reading some pieces of a newspaper he found outside the waiting room and Abang Khair (my brother-in-law a.k.a Khadeja's father) arriving in the distance. Abang Khair went straight into the emergency room after talking to Ayah for a bit.

back-story: Abang Khair is staying in his house and Kak Lang is staying at the family house because they had come to an arrangement that Khadeja is too little to be travelling in the car every morning. Kak Lang was supposed to start work today and since KL and AK work in two opposite places, only AK is suitable to be sending Khadeja to our house in the morning (for Ma to take care of her until her parents got back from work. typical working parents stuff). so now, for a month or two, KL will be staying at the family house until Khadeja is old enough to sit in the car seat for toddlers. 

the cold air of Chukai breezed slowly. buses kept arriving and stopping in front of Center Point. had a few experience with the travel time myself, i'm pretty sure those buses were from Kuala Lumpur. it was close to 3.15am. i couldn't simply sleep on the bench outside the waiting room because, well, it would be inappropriate. besides, the benches were the furthest thing from a 'comfortable bench'.

so i was thinking.

this is what every parent will endure. maybe not rushing to the hospital at 2.30 in the morning but rushing to hospital, at one point, you will be. for various reasons. and the worries doesn't stop once they grew up. you constantly worries about them. but these first few years will be the worst. they can't tell you what's wrong but they don't sound too happy. if they have itches on their skin or phlegm in their throats - you don't know what's wrong and you can't help them! it's the worst feeling for a parent i imagined.

and even if your baby is healthy and happy all the time because Allah have blessed you with a most gloriously healthy baby, you still have to wake up in the middle of the night because the baby craves milk. more like, hunger. because a baby needs to be fed every few hours. they nurse a lot, pee a lot, poop a lot, sleep in between those things. the mother is especially tired. and if you're working the next day, you gonna have to try to stay awake. good luck cause you can't have coffee. you're nursing.

Kak Lang's experience really scares me. for now, i can't even balance my time for all the school stuff i have to do. i can't imagine having a baby in the middle of all this. and i am a full-time student. all that i have to worry about is about my study. i have no other worldly concerns and i cannot even have an imaginary baby in my mind. even Pou keeps starving in my tab. *sigh*

so before we all think about taking that next, HUMONGOUS step with your future better-half, (because kahwin awal is all the rage these days) think about the ordeal a child can put you through and ask yourself this question;

"are you anywhere near ready for it?"

................................
but seriously, those big starry eyes? Kak Lang says it's worth it.

PEN & CHAIN: GADGET WAKTU SOLAT DI MALAYSIA UNTUK DESKTOP

PEN & CHAIN: GADGET WAKTU SOLAT DI MALAYSIA UNTUK DESKTOP: Gadget untuk Windows 7/Vista Desktop yang memaparkan waktu solat umat Islam di Malaysia. Countdownt untuk solat berikutnya juga dipaparkan....

monologue wednesday

it's been a few weeks since the last time i went home. well i actually cannot say that everyone else's had been going back and forth to their homes but that doesn't makes me feel any better. i still miss home and everything it contains.

i miss my Ma's cooking (food first. always. ^---^)
i miss hanging the laundry.
i miss folding the laundry.
i miss my little niece Khadeja who is currently at home because her mother is still in 'pantang'.
i miss the fast internet connection.
i miss watching 'Tanyalah Ustaz' on TV9 every morning at 7.
i miss sleeping in and waking up with no worries of finding food. (i hate keeping food for long in my room)
i miss massaging Ma.
i even miss Ayah's glaring at me and telling me to stop surfing and go studying! that usually irritates me but still, i know i'm a stubborn one who needs constant goading.

so the thing is, next week is gonna be the final week for interaction. the week after, we're gonna have study week and then finals will come forth and consume us all in its wrath. it's like this:

final interaction: 28th April - 2nd May 2013
study week: 5th - 9th May 2013
finals: 13th until who knows. i haven't seen the schedule. i just know the date it starts: 13th May 2013.

my dilemma here is, Kak Lang (Khadeja's mum) wants to held Khadeja's 'aqiqah' on the 11th of May. it's not during my exam or class or anything but it's a bit too close to the exam for my comfort. if i go back for the 'aqiqah', surely i'd be back here to Besut on the 12th. and on the 13th i'm gonna face my first paper. i'm not exactly the lucky type - i have to work hard in every exams i've had to take if i wanna excel. and to be travelling the day before the exam is not a recipe to success.

should i, or shouldn't i?
but i've waited, WE have all waited for Khadeja for so long. yes, Amni was here first and i love with all my heart, but Khadeja is special in her own ways and i love both of my nieces. don't wanna miss seeing both of them, especially together!

but i have my future kind of riding on this exam. been saying i wanna be on the director's list for quite some time now. but i haven't put in enough time i suppose.

oh well.

i guess istikharah wouldn't hurt.

i probably am

my best friend so far, who will always be looking out for my best interest voted:
YES, for denial.

my other best friend, who is just one of the nicest persons around voted:
NO, for denial.

so by the majority of 2 over 3, i hereby grant you the certificate of:
YES for denial. 
please seek help.

on another story, i have been made secretary by two organizations. is that awesome or what? no, not really actually. being a secretary means a lot of work and i like procrastinating. procrastinate and i, we go way back. we've known each other forever. now i might have to leave him because i have stuff to do. tsk. no more hanging out with my best buddy, procrastination. 

that's me, trying to be funny. sigh.

there are also a lot of assignments requiring us (3rd-sem TESLites) to do microteaching. meaning, actually carry out the lesson plan (huh i also hate lesson planning!) on our classmates (meaning, the classmates will be  "the students"). 

that's a scary thought. i think i don't have what it takes to be a teacher. 

learning to be a teacher? that's easy. and TESL is really fun. i enjoyed most of the classes - even the ones that brought me headaches. i love 'em all. but teaching for real? that's a whole other story.

teaching requires talent, that's what Sir Zaki said. if you don't have talent, that's fine but your road in becoming a good teacher will be an arduous one. 

i fear i don't have that talent. 

if you don't like my writing, here's a caterpillar.

denial state of mind

Denial, in ordinary English usage, is asserting that a statement or allegation is not true.^[1] The same word, and also abnegation, is used for a psychological defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.^[2][3] The subject may use:

• simple denial: deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether

• minimisation: admit the fact but deny its seriousness (a combination of denial and rationalization)

• projection: admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility by blaming somebody or something else.

- Wikipedia

after reading that extract above, i realize that people in denial really CANNOT HELP it but to stay insisting that a certain fact, despite the overwhelming evidence, is not true.

i'm gonna go on a data-collection duty. to find out if i am indeed, in denial. well, i'll only ask three people (already asked one);

my room-mate and best friend, who has always been calmly understanding,

my best friend so far, who will always be looking out for my best interest, and

my other best friend, who is just one of the nicest persons around. 

my room-mate and best friend voted:

YES for denial.

=.= 

praising Allah and His Messenger, Muhammad SAW

okay, it is very rare for me to be writing a religion-related post but i'm starting to think, it's the least i can do.

what triggered me? Izzati. she asked me: if i truly love Prophet Muhammad SAW, what have i done for him? as in, what good deed have i commit in his name? that question stopped me - it got me thinking. really, what have i done?

the best that i could answered her was: i'd say his name, repeatedly and ask Allah to bless him and his family and friends. that is - the only thing i can think of at the moment. embarrassed myself, in front of my friend (and also, Allah. we should always feel embarrass in front of Allah because He is always in front of us - we just can't see Him).

there are many ways to remember Rasulullah SAW. in your actions, in your words, in your heart. in your actions: by doing his many sunnah in your daily life. fasting on Monday and Thursday, eating with your right hand, careful in choosing your words, respect others even if they don't respect you, do the many types of "solat sunat" (non-compulsory prayers?) and many more.

remember Rasulullah SAW in your words: zikr, saying prayers asking for peace and blessings upon Prophet Muhammad SAW. remember at all times that even though we've never met him, he was always thinking of us; his "ummah" who never laid eyes on him, who never heard his voice yet they are always thinking of him.

i was thinking; i wanna be one of the many people who "never see him, never hear him - but always thinking of him".

remember him in your heart: for he never forgets about you during his lifetime, when he's the Prophet - it is we who should be thinking about him.

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu akbar. Allahumma solli 'ala saidina Muhammad, wa'ala ali saidina Muhammad.

ya hanana - how lucky we are!

personally, i always feel calm and collected after i say a string of zikr and praises for His Messenger. there's an unexplained aura surrounding me afterwards. try it if you don't believe me. but you gotta know it in your heart that Rasulullah can hear you - and he's happy when you're trying to remember him. he loves us - but you gotta love him too. just as much.